Adam found “the one,” but to be fair, the dating pool was extremely small.
Adam never had to ask whether Eve was “the one.” She was the only woman on Earth.
There was no dating app, no awkward coffee meeting, no former girlfriend to compare her with, and no friend advising him to wait because “God has someone better.” When Adam declared, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” he had not spent three years comparison shopping. God brought him one woman. The odds were excellent.
The rest of us face a slightly more complicated situation.
A friend recently asked me whether God has prepared one particular person for each of us. Is there really “the one,” a soulmate uniquely selected for every human being?
I understand the attraction. It is deeply romantic to imagine that somewhere in the world there is one person designed specifically for you. The problem is that this idea does not make much biblical, logical, or psychological sense. It can also become surprisingly narcissistic.
The soulmate story assumes that God has organized human history around my personal fulfillment.
That’s not naïve or narcissistic at all!!
Somewhere, another person supposedly exists to complete me, understand me instinctively, heal my wounds, satisfy my needs, and confirm that I have discovered God’s perfect plan.
That sounds spiritual. But it may owe more to Greek mythology, Hollywood, and modern individualism than to Christianity.
One of the earliest versions appears in Plato’s Symposium. In a comic speech, Aristophanes imagines that human beings were originally complete, spherical creatures. Zeus divided them in two, leaving each half to wander the world searching for the missing person who would make it whole again. This is the ancient background to our language of finding “my other half.”
It is a beautiful myth. It is simply not the Christian story.
Christian history teaches that our deepest incompleteness does not come from lacking a romantic partner. It comes from our alienation from God. No husband or wife can carry the psychological and spiritual weight of completing another person. When we expect that, romance quietly becomes idolatry.
We are no longer asking someone to love us. We are asking that person to save us!!
Yes you read that right
Augustine opens his Confessions by declaring that God made us for himself and that our hearts remain restless until they rest in him. The restlessness we try to cure through romance has a deeper source.
Genesis tells us that God brought Eve to Adam. But Adam and Eve were the only two human beings in existence. Their extraordinary creation is not presented as a universal dating formula. We cannot move from “God created Eve for Adam” to “God has created exactly one romantic partner for every human being” without making a logical leap Scripture never makes.
The clearest New Testament passage sounds remarkably different. Paul writes that a Christian widow “is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39).
Notice the balance. There is genuine freedom, but that freedom exists within a moral and spiritual framework.
Paul does not tell her to locate the one replacement husband God has hidden somewhere in the Roman Empire. He says she may marry “whom she wishes,” provided that her choice is consistent with her life in Christ.
Paul also presents singleness as a legitimate Christian vocation in 1 Corinthians 7:7–8 and 32–35. Jesus does the same in Matthew 19:12. The claim that God has prepared a romantic partner for every human being, therefore, cannot be true. Some remain single. Some become widowed. Some marry again. Jesus never married, yet no Christian would describe him as incomplete.
The soulmate theory also produces a spectacular logical problem. Suppose one person marries the wrong person. That individual has now taken somebody else’s intended soulmate. The displaced person then marries another person’s soulmate, and the mistake spreads through civilization like romantic dominoes. By the end of history, nearly everyone is married to the wrong person because one unfortunate couple in Mesopotamia missed God’s signal.
Scripture never places that burden upon us.
None of this means God is absent from our relationships. Proverbs 19:14 says that “a prudent wife is from the Lord.” God may providentially bring people together through prayer, attraction, circumstances, family, friendship, or Christian community. A relationship may rightly be received as an extraordinary gift from God. But providence is not the same as a biblical promise that every person has one predetermined romantic match.
And here is another reason for caution. Researchers distinguish between “destiny beliefs” and “growth beliefs.” Destiny beliefs say that relationships either are or are not meant to be. Growth beliefs say that healthy relationships are cultivated through commitment, communication, sacrifice, and forgiveness.
Raymond Knee’s foundational research found that strong destiny beliefs could encourage avoidance when relationships encountered stress. If serious conflict appears, someone may interpret it as proof that the relationship was never meant to be.
A recent study following more than 900 couples offers a nuanced conclusion. Destiny beliefs were associated with greater satisfaction initially, but growth beliefs predicted a smaller decline in satisfaction over time. The feeling that you have found “the one” can be exhilarating. The conviction that love must be cultivated appears more durable. (European Journal of Personality)
Real love is not demonstrated by the absence of conflict. It is revealed in how two people respond to conflict.
You do not simply find “the one.” Through covenant, fidelity, forgiveness, and thousands of ordinary decisions, someone becomes your one.
The soulmate question is therefore part of a much larger anxiety: “How do I find God’s will for my life?”
We often imagine God’s will as a tiny bull’s-eye. There is one correct spouse, career, city, church, and future. If we make one wrong decision, we fear we will spend the rest of our lives inside God’s disappointing second-best plan.
Yet Scripture speaks clearly about God’s will. “This is the will of God, your sanctification,” Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:3. First Thessalonians 5:18 calls us to gratitude. Micah 6:8 commands justice, mercy, and humility. Jesus commands us to love God and our neighbor in Matthew 22:37–40. Ephesians 5:15–17 connects understanding God’s will with walking wisely. James 1:5 tells those who lack wisdom to ask God for it.
God’s revealed will is not hidden. Love God. Love your neighbor. Pursue holiness. Practice justice and mercy. Tell the truth. Keep your promises. Reject evil. Fulfill your responsibilities. Ask for wisdom. Become more like Christ.
Within those revealed moral boundaries, there is often more freedom than anxious Christians permit themselves to believe.
This is where Joshua 1 becomes crucial. Joshua 1 is not a motivational slogan placed over a photograph of a mountain. It is a covenantal commissioning. Moses has died, and Joshua must lead Israel into the Promised Land. The task is dangerous, and Joshua apparently needs to hear the same command three times: “Be strong and courageous” in verses 6, 7, and 9.
His courage rests upon two foundations: God’s revealed Word and God’s promised presence.
“Be strong and very courageous,” God tells him.
“Be careful to act in accordance with all the law that my servant Moses commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, so that you may be successful wherever you go” (Joshua 1:7).
Joshua is not free to redefine good and evil. He must remain within the covenantal world revealed by God. He is not to turn “to the right hand or to the left,” a Hebrew expression for departing from the prescribed path.
Then God continues: “This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth; you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it” (Joshua 1:8).
The Hebrew word translated “meditate,” hagah, conveys murmuring, reciting, or quietly repeating something. Joshua is not being told merely to glance at Scripture occasionally. God’s Word is to remain in his mouth, occupy his mind, shape his imagination, and govern his conduct. He must internalize God’s revealed will so thoroughly that wisdom becomes part of his character.
Only then comes the famous promise:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
“Wherever you go” must remain connected to verses 7 and 8. It is not permission to pursue sin, baptize personal ambition, or assume every project will succeed. Joshua is moving within a mission God has given, under a law God has revealed, sustained by a presence God has promised.
But within that framework, God does not tell Joshua to remain frozen until he receives another sign.
He tells him to go.
That is the neglected message of the passage. Learn God’s revealed will. Refuse what is sinful, evil, cowardly, passive, and destructive. Then move forward courageously. God’s presence is not confined to one microscopic point on the map.
Even Joshua’s “success” must be interpreted carefully. The Hebrew language in Joshua 1:7–8 speaks of acting wisely and accomplishing the mission entrusted to him. This is not a blank promise of money, comfort, or worldly achievement. Biblical success is faithfulness to God’s calling, even when faithfulness is costly.
The promise was given to Joshua within a unique historical mission, but its theological pattern continues throughout Scripture. Deuteronomy 31:6–8 promises that God will not leave or forsake his people. Hebrews 13:5 applies that assurance to believers. Jesus concludes the Great Commission with words that echo Joshua: “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
This understanding stands within a deep Christian tradition. Augustine’s Confessions locates the good life in reordering our loves toward God. Thomas Aquinas’s Summa Theologiae describes prudence as right reason applied to action. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises offers rules for discerning spiritual movements and making faithful choices. John Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion distinguishes God’s hidden providence from his revealed commands. St. John Climacus’s Orthodox classic, The Ladder of Divine Ascent, teaches that discernment grows from humility, obedience, purification, and spiritual formation. Garry Friesen’s evangelical work, Decision Making and the Will of God, challenges the bull’s-eye model and proposes a “way of wisdom.”
These influential works do not agree about every detail. Catholic and Orthodox traditions place greater emphasis on ecclesial authority, spiritual direction, and the formation of the soul. Reformed theology emphasizes divine sovereignty, the sufficiency of Scripture, and the distinction between God’s secret and revealed will. Friesen emphasizes moral obedience, wisdom, and responsible freedom where Scripture has not commanded.
Yet they converge on a profound truth: discernment is not primarily about obtaining secret information about the future. It is about becoming the kind of person who can recognize and choose the good.
Perhaps the question is not, “What secret plan does God have for my life?”
Perhaps it is, “What has God already revealed, and what would love, holiness, wisdom, justice, and courage require of me here?”
Pray. Study Scripture. Seek wise counsel. Examine your motives. Consider your responsibilities. Refuse what is evil. Refuse also the passivity that disguises fear as discernment.
Then choose.
Then move.
Then trust that the God who commands faithfulness will be with you wherever you go.
God’s will is not merely waiting somewhere ahead of you.
It is being formed in how faithfully and courageously you walk with him today.
If you are standing at a crossroads, waiting for a sign while fear keeps you motionless, you may not need another inspirational answer. You may need a rigorous framework for separating God’s revealed will from anxiety, impulse, and wishful thinking.
That is where my coaching begins. I help thoughtful Christian men clarify what is true, confront what is keeping them stuck, and make courageous decisions about relationships, work, faith, and purpose. You do not have to see the entire road. You need the wisdom and courage to take the next faithful step.
If you are ready to stop circling the decision and start building the life God has entrusted to you, apply for private coaching at LogicallyFaithful.com.
